The (im)perfect Christmas

If you expect to find some recipe here, I am sorry, you won’t. This time, I would like to share just and only my little Christmas story – a story about the foolish stress around baking, cleaning and preparing, about the insignificance of the date of celebrations, about my first Christmas abroad, about “no gifts”, snow fights and last but not least – about Bjørn Harald, the “bear” who makes many awesome moments in my life happen.

Christmas. Bake, clean, buy gifts, decorate, bake, buy gifts, clean, clean.

Ehm, sorry, Christmas, but I am tired, I have back pain, I am sick, laying at home and waiting for the antibiotics to work. This year, I am afraid, there won’t be many cookies baked, fancy gifts bought and our apartment…well, it’s not too messy after all, is it?

While I lay in the bed upstairs (or maybe on a sofa by the tv), Bjørn Harald is preparing food downstairs, salmon and chips again – cause that’s the kind of a meal that you can eat over and over, no matter if you have no appetite, you’re tired or just lazy to think about cooking. I feel bad for not being able to help Bjørn Harald with cooking, not able to clean our flat or to … or to what?

Omg, I just caught myself there again! Being sorry, worried and stressed – but why?! Let’s have a little rational look at the situation now: Bara, Bjørn Harald is happy to be able to help you, to take care of you (so shut up and be happy too), your apartment is fine and no one cares if it is super clean or not. About baking – as you worried that you won’t have enough, it somehow happened that you managed to bake A LOT of various Christmas cookies. And about the gifts? Lay back, you still have a week to go, you know-ish what you want to buy and the most important gift is almost ready…

Oh The Gift!!! Have you ever thought about not buying but making a gift for someone? I would probably think that it’s crazy, stupid or impossible till recently, but – come on, think about it!

Last summer, when I was worried that I won’t have a job, therefore no money for Christmas gifts, Bjørn Harald just told me that we won’t buy gifts for each other, but make them. No problem! At that time, I was simply grateful that he not only didn’t allow me to feel bad for the situation I was at, but he made it into something good, even enjoyable! No money? And so what! Just a bit later, I started to think that it was a really cool idea…

But finally, I did manage to get a job and therefore was not sure what to do now – buy or make a gift for him? You know, I also already had an idea what I wanted to make so – I was so happy when Bjørn Harald and me, we agreed to follow the original plan: Don’t buy any gifts for each other, make them!

Last Christmas, though I also got a gift from Bjørn Harald, I also got a letter from him. A letter just and only for me, for my eyes, for my ears, for me. This year, I was not sure what he was about to make but I hoped so so so much that I will get another one, please, I want another letter! I love when he writes, especially when the text is for me!

And for my gift, I decided to write for Bjørn Harald too – I decided to make a small book for him and to write a story – a silly story that we made up together. I spent hours and hours writing, rewriting, feeling silly, happy, silly again. Cutting, sticking and sewing papers together to make a book. Breaking needles while sewing the thick cardboards. Feeling silly and stupid again. But also incredibly excited – excited about the moment when he opens my gift and when I will be reading through the lines that he wrote for me.

(And now tell me, do you experience such feelings while buying a gift?)

Of course, I also bought gifts for others, though I tried to put at least a bit of myself into every one of them – I, after all, love giving gifts but I am not Superman so I am not able to make all gifts by myself!

Ok, cookies baked, gifts fixed, apartment ish ok. Let’s celebrate Christmas now!

Wait… but where?

Though during the last years I celebrated Christmas eve at different times (days) and places, it was always back in Czech, back home, with my family.

Now, my home is here, in Norway, and so are here other people that I love, Bjørn Harald most importantly.

So, go home and leave him here, or be with him and leave my family for Christmas eve? Hard, hard, hard. I do not see my family often, I miss my brother who lives and studies abroad, I want to play with my little nephew!

But I really wanted to be with Bjørn Harald and though I come from Czech, my home is here now. Therefore, I decided to, for the first time ever, celebrate Christmas in Norway.

But I really wanted to be with Bjørn Harald and though I come from Czech, my home is here now. Therefore, I decided to, for the first time ever, celebrate Christmas in Norway.

I was so worried that my family won’t understand or accept my decision – I felt quilty, sad and worried. I didn’t want either my paretns or my siblings to think that I do not care about them, do not love them or that I replace them with somenone else! Because the truth is quite the opposite…

But, luckily, all went well and though it was finally a few days before the Christmas evening, I could enjoy an awesome time together with my family.

It is, after all, about the time that we spend together, not about the exact day, isn’t it?

After my weekend in Czech, I arrived back to Norway, excited about everything that was ahead of me during the upcoming days. Cutting a Christmas tree by ourselves in the forest, eating rice porridge and searching for an almond in it, going to the church, being with Bjørn Harald, his family and see all the happy faces when opening gifts (ehm, wait, where is my luggage that I travelled with from Prague and which is full of gifts? Lost? Yehey, why not have some extra stress, right? But it will be fine, it will be just fine!)

And how was it, finally? (I mean the first Norwegian Christmas Evening of mine, not my lost luggage – which, btw, arrived half an hour before the evening started. What luck!)

Honestly, at least as good as I hoped for, but maybe even a bit better. Waking up into the cold day, snow all around, while us slowly enjoying a lazy morning in the cosy, warm house that was decorated with thousands of little Christmas trolls (ok ok, not that many, but many!). Bjørn Harald’s brothers back home for a few days, all of us playing games together, skiing, fighting in the snow…

Well, me fighting and always losing. I do not understand! Hm, Bjørn Harald?

I won’t describe the whole day for you since we all have our own traditions, but I have to tell you that finally, it wasn’t as important to me if I spent Christmas in Czech or in Norway as I expected (and was worried about). I simply had a nice time with both families, I experienced another way of celebrating Christmas, and I ate ribs and sauerkraut for diner. I loved it all!

And btw, I got the gift I hoped for…

As Christmas 2019 passed and the new year has just started, I wish that in the future, with all those people that matter to me, we’ll manage to have plenty of Christmas celebrations as beautiful as this one was for me. And that over the years, I will collect a lot of Christmas letters!

And that I won’t freeze during the awesome tradition of Christmas ice baths in a river!